Should there be secrets in a marriage?

Should there be secrets in a marriage

This article will reveal secrets which are okay to keep in your marriage, and why.

Many people wonder if there should be secrets in a marriage… and I think the answer depends on the secrets.

SheKnows recently published an article where they asked for my suggestions in answer to the question “Is it okay to lie to your spouse?” and in this article, I’m going to share some other ‘okay’ secrets below.

It’s okay not to tell your partner about your sexual history

One of my tips listed in SheKnows was my thoughts about your sexual history. I think it’s okay to not get specific in this regard. It’s possible you had a wild period which would reflect badly when looking for your long term mate.

You could say things like “I was no angel,” but there’s no need to discuss numbers or details. Do you know anyone who has had a great conversation about this?! The most important thing is that you’re a mature, committed and dedicated partner now.

It’s okay not to tell your partner if you’re attracted to someone

It’s normal to occasionally be attracted to people in your life, and I don’t think your partner needs to know… BUT you do have a responsibility to remove temptation by distancing yourself from that person.

If it’s someone you work with or need to interact with regularly, you can still distance yourself emotionally. Don’t engage in flirtation or have one-on-one time alone in a situation which resembles a date, like coffee or drinks. You’re just asking for trouble.

If someone flirts with you, it’s okay to say “Sorry, my husband and I have an agreement not to flirt with people of the opposite sex.” They might feel embarrassed and think that you’re boring/overreacting, but it’s a good way of avoiding putting yourself into a compromising position. You’re also showing your commitment to your spouse at the same time.

It’s okay not to tell your partner if you don’t like their family

If you don’t like their family, you don’t really need to share that information with your mate. We don’t have our partner’s lifelong history, connection and blood ties with their family, so our aversion to their mother, brother or cousin won’t be well received. It’s just something we have to learn to live with.

Perhaps you could take it as a challenge to find something you like in that person and choose to see something positive.

It’s okay not to tell your partner that they need to lose weight or improve in some way

If you think your partner needs to lose weight, get a better job or ‘improve’ in some other way, please keep it to yourself. It’s possible your partner already feels reservations in that area, so they need our support, not our judgement.

I’m not saying that you should ignore potentially dangerous situations like fast food overload, lack of exercise or other health issues, but be careful how this comes across.

For example, it’s okay to support them in making healthier choices, by cooking healthy food or exercising together, but placing your ‘map’ or view of the world on them with regards to their career won’t bring you closer together.


Are there any secrets I’ve missed? What secrets do you think are okay to keep from your spouse?

May the Love be With You


Are you sick of being unhappy in your marriage? Do you fight with your husband, or are you bored? You’re worried that if things continue in the same way, you’ll end up growing apart or maybe divorcing in the future. You’re not alone. Luckily, I have advice which can help you. Sign up to my newsletter to receive fortnightly emails with helpful tips and strategies you can implement in your marriage.

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